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About me

O
ne day, when I was only a young psychologist, I saw the work of Roberto Fontaine, a therapist in his seventies who impressed me with the way he touched people deeply without having to have a long conversation. I found his method so effective, on a human as well as on a professional level, that I wanted to know how he had come up with it. I asked him if he would agree to an interview. He was very accommodating and gladly accepted. My first question was: “Roberto, who are you?”

I didn’t expect his response. He simply told me, “I am on my way”.

Today, after 25 years practicing psychotherapy, I understand his response. We are always on the way, learning something everyday, especially when we remain conscious that we are still works-in-progress.

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evertheless, if I look back on my past, I can say that I’ve already come a long way: I have moved past my fear of life and feeling like I didn’t belong to feeling like myself, settled, surrounded by people I love, and doing the work I always wanted to do—exploring the philosophy of everyday life with people who are interested in the same questions that I ask myself. What is the meaning of life? What should one do to get rid of pain and feel true lightness?

I appeased my misery with bulimia and purged so that I wouldn’t gain weight.

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ot all people who are obsessed with food feel an enormous existential malaise. Some say that they are happy, that their ONLY problem is bulimia… Others suffer terribly.

Actually, although the obsession with food is a common principle among them, there is not just one type of eating-disordered person. In my case, at 10-years-old, I was already obsessed with food. At 13, a pediatrician put me on my first diet. At 16, I was obese, and at 17, I discovered purging. Over the years, I spent my time living to eat, eating to purge, purging so that I could eat again. I was ashamed of what I was doing, of not being able to stop this stupid, repetitive, self-destructive behavior that was ruining my life. I felt worthless, cowardly, lacking willpower, dirty, and crazy—until the day when I decided to understand why I was so obsessed with food.
From an unhappy childhood to groups, first passing through psychoanalysis.
1_plan_du_symptome

I went to see a psychoanalyst when I was 20-years-old.

C
onfronted with my repeated failures in managing my weight, my lust for food, and my bad attitude, my mother agreed, upon my request, to pay for one session per week with a psychoanalyst who was recommended by a friend whose daughter also felt “off”. I went to his office once a week and to the medical center where he worked for a second session each week. My mother never paid for more than one session a week because she didn’t think this psychoanalysis would lead anywhere. Moreover, after a year, not seeing any progress, she stopped paying. I kept going once a week to the medical center.

While traditional psychoanalysis wasn’t enough, I learned a lot because of it. I started to understand that the disorder was stronger than me. My need to eat symbolically fulfilled my need to cling to my mother’s breast and to stay a small child. This understanding made me feel less guilty. It didn’t stop my bulimic behavior or take away my fear of people, nor did it resolve my depressiveness or my anxiety.